My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
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We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
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I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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