Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
