i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
