man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
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