Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
