Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
whose ass print is on the piano?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
