4 words: hood of his car
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
