the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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