there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
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