I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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