That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
