so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize