You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
