used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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