It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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