I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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