what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
