Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
