It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
