Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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