I looked at my own cervix.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
