i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
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I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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