I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
