My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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