Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
