i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
