I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
