I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
