your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Randomize
