I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
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