my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
