im having a threesome with these popsicles
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
