I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
