Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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