Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
