If that was your dad, he is hot
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
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cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
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