Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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