nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
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