Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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