we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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