Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
