I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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