Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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