forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
