the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
