Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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