would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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