Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
