i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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