Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
