You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
