I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
