I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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