ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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