They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
