hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
