I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
