You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
he was CRYING into my vagina
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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