Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
