textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Randomize
