he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
