she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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