there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
