i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
