I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Randomize
