I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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