my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
