so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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