If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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