you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
