My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
