Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
