Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
