I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
